Late night Despair

Lately, I have been on the verge of psychological collapse. I have been constantly crying and feeling sorry for myself. My self-pity party was wearing on myself. I just was upset over the whole situation of having cancer and watching my health deteriorate in front of my eyes. The frustration that there is nothing I could do and little I could do to control the situation of losing all my weight and being sick from the drugs just got to me. I thought why me God.

Luckily, I got the docs to put some iv fluids and add some drugs to my daily routine. I have been gaining some strength back but I still have one more treatment. I am scared on how much that will knock me out and the scans in two weeks. This cancer experience in terrifying. I think God is really breaking me to build me up. I was a at a point of total despair the other night. Just thinking what is the reason for this God. Why me? And the song lyric popped in my head, "I am not finished with you yet." I do not know what God has in store for me. For all, I know I may have six months to live or another eighty. I just need to trust in Him who saves. After some more pondering and crying, God gave me a peace. Its just something that is so hard to describe. Just a peace, that is really intervention for my self pity party. The verse came into my head, "Be silent, be still and know I am God!" All I need to do is trust. Thank you God for that reminder! Help my faith remain on fire for you