I would never thought I that I would make it to this mark. The journey has been long but it really put things into perspective. Three years... Three years.... I can't help saying that enough. I have been able to watch my oldest learn how to read and write. I have been able to watch my daughter who was one when I was diagnosised talk and grow up so fast (even learning how to ride a bike). Many individuals take time for granted but it is the greatest thing a person may have.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Update
Its been awhile since I have posted a new post... A little over 14 months.. need to say I am a little late. I have had scans over this period and ALL HAVE BEEN CLEAR. Praise the Lord!
Intially when I was diagnosed, I did not think I would see the end of 2014. Here I am alive and well almost three years later and living life to the fullest.
I changed my schedule from scan every three months to every 6 months. This is longest that I have gone without scans. Its a little scary because I am always expecting the reassurance that I am okay with clear scans. This first six month period is steadfast in prayer and appreciation in the time I have with my family especially with my children.
I still see my dermotologist every 3 month just for observation. She is having me participate in a study to count my moles and research my genome from my intial melanoma in 2012 in two weeks. I am all for more research.
Intially when I was diagnosed, I did not think I would see the end of 2014. Here I am alive and well almost three years later and living life to the fullest.
I changed my schedule from scan every three months to every 6 months. This is longest that I have gone without scans. Its a little scary because I am always expecting the reassurance that I am okay with clear scans. This first six month period is steadfast in prayer and appreciation in the time I have with my family especially with my children.
I still see my dermotologist every 3 month just for observation. She is having me participate in a study to count my moles and research my genome from my intial melanoma in 2012 in two weeks. I am all for more research.
Friday, December 27, 2013
21 Months and Counting!!!
I have henceforth completed my week of doctor appointments. I met my dermotologist on Monday, my surgical oncologist on Wednesday, and my treatment oncologist on Friday. The dermotologist took out two spots, which came back negative. The surgical oncologist looked at me and said everything is good see you in 6 months. The treatment oncologist said my scans came back okay, so I am good for 3 months. All of this before the week of Christmas. It was a good Christmas present. I feel blessed!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Peace be with You!
My quarterly scans are coming up!!! The doom sound is revibrated throughout my head saying, "DONN, DONN, DONN." Frankly, I am scared of the results. The anxiety does not seem to desipate even though I have been cancer free for over 18 monthes!
I follow some melanoma blogs and occasionally, go on a melanoma forum. I read about other individuals' truimphs and failures. I feel that those that I follow in the blog world as long as they are okay, I will be okay. When one of those have a reoccurence, I become scare that they same will be my fate. It's really an unhealthy habit. I need to stop especially looking at those forums because it is all of those who are newly diagnosed and really expressing panic.
I need to feel peace and assurance and the only way that is going to be accomplished is through faith. I don't mean the faith that everything will be okay but pure blind faith. I am not going to know that circumstances of the future. I am not going to know my time on this earth. I am not going to what will or will not happen. My days are numbered. I need to trust in the Lord with my heart, with my soul, with my mind, with everything that I am or will be. I need to look upon Him and feel His peace.
Think, when the apostles were in there shut up room after Jesus' death, they were shaking in their boots. Scared of the possible consequences of being associated with Jesus, they locked themselves into hiding like most of us when we are fightened. The passage in John 20:19-22 shows this:
So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit."
Believe me, when I will not hesitate in describing how I just want to lock away my fears and anxiety. I just want to hide under the covers of my bed and wallow in my self-pity. The apostles did it until Jesus stepped in saying, "Have some peace. I freely give it out as long as you have faith." I need to have some peace. Peace of mind. Peace of Spirit. Peace of Faith. What will come, comes. I will not be able to stop it. I can only have peace.
Peace be with you this holiday season!
I follow some melanoma blogs and occasionally, go on a melanoma forum. I read about other individuals' truimphs and failures. I feel that those that I follow in the blog world as long as they are okay, I will be okay. When one of those have a reoccurence, I become scare that they same will be my fate. It's really an unhealthy habit. I need to stop especially looking at those forums because it is all of those who are newly diagnosed and really expressing panic.
I need to feel peace and assurance and the only way that is going to be accomplished is through faith. I don't mean the faith that everything will be okay but pure blind faith. I am not going to know that circumstances of the future. I am not going to know my time on this earth. I am not going to what will or will not happen. My days are numbered. I need to trust in the Lord with my heart, with my soul, with my mind, with everything that I am or will be. I need to look upon Him and feel His peace.
Think, when the apostles were in there shut up room after Jesus' death, they were shaking in their boots. Scared of the possible consequences of being associated with Jesus, they locked themselves into hiding like most of us when we are fightened. The passage in John 20:19-22 shows this:
So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit."
Believe me, when I will not hesitate in describing how I just want to lock away my fears and anxiety. I just want to hide under the covers of my bed and wallow in my self-pity. The apostles did it until Jesus stepped in saying, "Have some peace. I freely give it out as long as you have faith." I need to have some peace. Peace of mind. Peace of Spirit. Peace of Faith. What will come, comes. I will not be able to stop it. I can only have peace.
Peace be with you this holiday season!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Hesitation
It's been awhile! I am still on this side of the earth! Its been an awkward transition from going to see the doctor every six weeks to 12 weeks. The graduation has been more panicky about every little bump, bruise and lump. I am in paranonia at points. Learning to trust in the Lord for all things especially for my health brings me to hesitation at points especially in the aspect of over analyzing everything. I am really scared of the future.
I had a habit when I was intial diagnosised of going on melanoma forums and reading the latest news of melanoma. I am trying to graduate from this too because, well, I want to live my life. I want to not focus on this disease. I want to be proactive in prevention but not fearful in all things I do. My husband is constantly telling me not to worry. I need more faith. Just a little more faith and not worry because the Good Lord will take care of me.
I had a habit when I was intial diagnosised of going on melanoma forums and reading the latest news of melanoma. I am trying to graduate from this too because, well, I want to live my life. I want to not focus on this disease. I want to be proactive in prevention but not fearful in all things I do. My husband is constantly telling me not to worry. I need more faith. Just a little more faith and not worry because the Good Lord will take care of me.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Updates
It's been a while since I have last posted. Its been a busy couple of months. I started a new job and been adjusting the family with a new schedule. The anxiety is still there mind you but I have been able to continue my life with the diagnosis. I have been fearful but I need to remember to trust.
I had my scheduled final treatment today. To my surprise, they cancelled the research arm of my study. So no 10 mg of ippi. I was not completely surprised due to the severe side effects. They told me that the toxicity they could no longer do the treatments. I was okay with this because they are still going to continue to monitor if there is any additional disease.
My scans came back clear!!! I was so excited. It is such a sigh of relief knowing my scans are clear. It is a scary prospect of scans the anxiety is riveting.
I had my scheduled final treatment today. To my surprise, they cancelled the research arm of my study. So no 10 mg of ippi. I was not completely surprised due to the severe side effects. They told me that the toxicity they could no longer do the treatments. I was okay with this because they are still going to continue to monitor if there is any additional disease.
My scans came back clear!!! I was so excited. It is such a sigh of relief knowing my scans are clear. It is a scary prospect of scans the anxiety is riveting.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Thy Will Be done
In times of sorrow, uncertainty, demise, depression, and anxiety, we can always call on the name of Jesus. We may not know the reasons why certain things happen the way they do but all things happen in Providence.
God's intervention in my life has led me to have a "thy will be done," mentality, where I will accept God's will for me in all circumstances. I may have the most devasting news or the greatest news. In all news or events, I will accept God's will.
My mind may not comprehend the intervention of my Creator but I will praise Him and always give Him glory.
Thy Will Be Done Matthew 6:10
Update:
So, I know I have not been updating this blog I have had in a while. I have had clear scans since last December. (Two to be exact both clear, one small nodule that as remained unchanged since last November in my lower right abdominal area.) I had to skip a treatment of ippi due to an enlarge thyroid in April. I was cleared for another ippi treatment two weeks ago to go along with my clear scans ;). My dermatologist has taken out a few moles out of my skin all coming back normal except one where I had an atypical mole. Atypical moles tend to more likely to become melanoma, so they did some follow up and took more skin out for that one. Everything was clear with that. I will continue to attempt with updates hopefully. I am living life to the fullest with my family, Hence the lack of blogging.
God's intervention in my life has led me to have a "thy will be done," mentality, where I will accept God's will for me in all circumstances. I may have the most devasting news or the greatest news. In all news or events, I will accept God's will.
My mind may not comprehend the intervention of my Creator but I will praise Him and always give Him glory.
Thy Will Be Done Matthew 6:10
Update:
So, I know I have not been updating this blog I have had in a while. I have had clear scans since last December. (Two to be exact both clear, one small nodule that as remained unchanged since last November in my lower right abdominal area.) I had to skip a treatment of ippi due to an enlarge thyroid in April. I was cleared for another ippi treatment two weeks ago to go along with my clear scans ;). My dermatologist has taken out a few moles out of my skin all coming back normal except one where I had an atypical mole. Atypical moles tend to more likely to become melanoma, so they did some follow up and took more skin out for that one. Everything was clear with that. I will continue to attempt with updates hopefully. I am living life to the fullest with my family, Hence the lack of blogging.
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