I have been completely paranoid lately and man does it really get me into a funky mood. I am constantly and consistently checking my skin throughout the day. (I need to just get rid of all my mirrors.) This nervousness is overwhelming and frustrating at points. I need to get to the point in reviewing my health in letting go and letting God.
The control factor that I have in the illness is very limited. I will not know if I will be here in the next year or in the next twenty. Right now, I need to put my faith in the one who saves but to be honest. I doubt. I am fearful and come down upon myself that I will not win this fight between my faith and my desire for self-preservation.
On an update, I finished my first treatment if the trial drug Yerzoy. Other than, the feeling of itchiness at points and one swollen lymph node, I feel pretty much the same. I have an appointment with the dermatologist Wednesday and Thursday is treatment day.
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