Ever notice whenever there is a historical based Hollywood movie, the actors are not tan. They are pale. Fast forward to the present, the tan folk are portrayed as attractive and the hero or heroine. What is wrong with this picture?
Example: Historical Movie
Pop culture movie
Why is the great movie stars or famous entertainment actors of our day enable the youth and general society to tan? We endanger ourselves with our lack of respect for the solar rays, also those contraptions called tanning beds. Hopefully, more press coverage may be bestowed to our lovely disease to prevent further damage.
It angers me so much in this summer seeing the overly tan-ness of our population. Why do so many equate beauty to be tan? Somehow, a person is healthier if they are tan. I see a tan individual and I am screaming inside and going nuts because I just want to tell them the consequences of their actions. I would love to show my battle scars and tell them the death sentence they may be bestowing upon themselves.
I had a doctor appointment with the surgical oncologist. I am finally FREE. No more drainage for this person. Only 6 weeks and a day after my surgery. It took long enough. I am suppose to see him again in 6 months. Now, on to the treatment oncologist, to get the rest finished for this cancer treatment.
Hi! Welcome to my personal, self-pity, sob-story journal about my diagonisis of melanoma. Please excuse, any harsh or unapproved frustration. I am a cancer patient. Eventually, I will get my sanity back.
I am 25 years old. I am a wife, a mother of two, and a daughter. I HAVE MELANOMA. This blog is about my personal endurance race through this disease.
I am 25 years old. I am a wife, a mother of two, and a daughter. I HAVE MELANOMA. This blog is about my personal endurance race through this disease.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Summertime
Summer is always a great time to enjoy. So many activities to do to pass the time. Picnics, weddings, cookouts, beach parties, birthdays, four wheeling, swimming, and outdoor play are things just to name a few.
With this in mind, I have been enjoying my summer with a tube coming out of my leg. I have so many things I want to do but can't because of this lovely drainage. Luckily, it coming down. For the past three days, I have averaged less than 200 cc per day. I just need to go down to 30 cc a day to get it out of me. I guess I need to settle on the side lines and just watch.
Melanoma has brought me to a place where I need to settle down and enjoy the many things life has to offer like water melon on a hot summer day and running through the sprinkler. I have discovered a love for children's laughter and the amazement for a good times with friends and family. Material poccessions are miniscul in comparison to the experience of time spent with the most precious of people.
I am constanltly at a point of frustration because of this diagnosis. I have seen the statistics. I have read the facts. I know the chances of survival can be small but. I enjoy and thank God for every moment He has bestowed upon me. I am frightened. I am scared. I am terrorified. I want to be the survivor. I want to see my children grow up and have children of their own. I want to grow old with my husband. I want to make a difference.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Some more Doc Appointments
I have seen 2 docs plus a nurse for examination. Its a good thing, I had the experience of childbirth to lose all my sense of dignity.
The first appointment was with the dermatologist. We waited for a very, very, very long while. I had the bright idea of asking my husband to come. We didn't think it would be that long so we also brought the kids. Obviously, that was a mistake. Two children under the age of five do not have the longest patients level. So in the end, my husband took the little ones outside and I enjoyed the doctor appointment alone.
It did go well. No additional removal of moles is always an exciting prospect. This new dermatologist I was referred to by the oncologist was super. She was professional and seemed to be really knowledgeable in many melanoma lingo unlike some docs I have gone to. I have hence decided that I will probably continue to visit this doctor because of her great bedside manner and her impressive resume.
The afternoon appointment was with my surgeon's nurse. The surgeon was not able to attend because he had an emergency surgery to perform. His nurse is a sweetheart and really personable. I went to have them check up on my drainage.
My drainage.... this is not a pleasant experience to say the least. I was told after my second surgery I would probably have the drainage for 3 days to up to six weeks. Well, its week 4. You may draw the conclusion that I was on the later end of longevity process. I was hoping for the 3 day term. Obviously, I have been attempting to learn patients in my drainage experience. The nurse changed out the drain so hopefully, I will not drain as much. I am praying that my drainage goes down in order that I may begin my treatments. So far it is working....
The last and final appointment was with another oncologist at a different hospital system because he is covered under insurance. The first is not. Again, the wait was a little long but tolerable. No kids this time made a huge difference. They were staying at Grandma's for the day. The hour in the exam room waiting for the doc gave me time to catch up on my sleep. When the doc did come in, it was not the doctor I had the scheduled appointment with. Puzzled, I and my husband discussed my medical history and proceeded to converse in a possible treatment plan of a clinical trial. Then, the doctor that I had the appointment with arrived and boy, did he have some spunk. He was not as professional as the first doc or as knowledgeable but he was personable.
In all, I am through with doctor appointment until this drainage is out. I will be hoping and praying that I will be able to discontinue with drainage and enjoy some of my summer.
The first appointment was with the dermatologist. We waited for a very, very, very long while. I had the bright idea of asking my husband to come. We didn't think it would be that long so we also brought the kids. Obviously, that was a mistake. Two children under the age of five do not have the longest patients level. So in the end, my husband took the little ones outside and I enjoyed the doctor appointment alone.
It did go well. No additional removal of moles is always an exciting prospect. This new dermatologist I was referred to by the oncologist was super. She was professional and seemed to be really knowledgeable in many melanoma lingo unlike some docs I have gone to. I have hence decided that I will probably continue to visit this doctor because of her great bedside manner and her impressive resume.
The afternoon appointment was with my surgeon's nurse. The surgeon was not able to attend because he had an emergency surgery to perform. His nurse is a sweetheart and really personable. I went to have them check up on my drainage.
My drainage.... this is not a pleasant experience to say the least. I was told after my second surgery I would probably have the drainage for 3 days to up to six weeks. Well, its week 4. You may draw the conclusion that I was on the later end of longevity process. I was hoping for the 3 day term. Obviously, I have been attempting to learn patients in my drainage experience. The nurse changed out the drain so hopefully, I will not drain as much. I am praying that my drainage goes down in order that I may begin my treatments. So far it is working....
The last and final appointment was with another oncologist at a different hospital system because he is covered under insurance. The first is not. Again, the wait was a little long but tolerable. No kids this time made a huge difference. They were staying at Grandma's for the day. The hour in the exam room waiting for the doc gave me time to catch up on my sleep. When the doc did come in, it was not the doctor I had the scheduled appointment with. Puzzled, I and my husband discussed my medical history and proceeded to converse in a possible treatment plan of a clinical trial. Then, the doctor that I had the appointment with arrived and boy, did he have some spunk. He was not as professional as the first doc or as knowledgeable but he was personable.
In all, I am through with doctor appointment until this drainage is out. I will be hoping and praying that I will be able to discontinue with drainage and enjoy some of my summer.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
More Doctor Appointments
I went to another doctor's appointment last Friday. This oncologist keeps on pushing Interferon towards me even though I really do not want it. I decided to do a clinical trial that either test the treatment of Interferon or Yerzoy. I hope I will be receiving that latter.
I am also going to see another oncologist for a second opinion for treatment options. The clinical trial, I am opting for, is also being conducted by the differing hospital system and this time they are covered by insurance. (I hate the whole in-network and out of network thing. )
The doc also said Yerzoy cause fertility issues and I won't be allowed to have anymore babies until 3 years from now. I am okay with this but more or less frustrated that the choice of having more is no longer mine to make. I am happy with the two wonderful children I have more but everytime I see another baby. I get those problematic fever called baby fever! I guess I just need to trust in the Lord.
Tomorrow, I have appointments with a new dermotologist and my oncology surgeon. The day after that I have an appointment with the oncologist I have a second opinion with.
I pray my stress level goes down. I am at my breaking point. This littlest thing makes me so angry. My poor husband has to deal with my constant irriability. God give me the wisdom to do your will.
I am also going to see another oncologist for a second opinion for treatment options. The clinical trial, I am opting for, is also being conducted by the differing hospital system and this time they are covered by insurance. (I hate the whole in-network and out of network thing. )
The doc also said Yerzoy cause fertility issues and I won't be allowed to have anymore babies until 3 years from now. I am okay with this but more or less frustrated that the choice of having more is no longer mine to make. I am happy with the two wonderful children I have more but everytime I see another baby. I get those problematic fever called baby fever! I guess I just need to trust in the Lord.
Tomorrow, I have appointments with a new dermotologist and my oncology surgeon. The day after that I have an appointment with the oncologist I have a second opinion with.
I pray my stress level goes down. I am at my breaking point. This littlest thing makes me so angry. My poor husband has to deal with my constant irriability. God give me the wisdom to do your will.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Uncertainty
Uncertainty is the frustration for melanoma. I never know how long I have. What will happen in 5 years 10 years? Will I still be here? I pray that I will see my 30th or even my 35th birthday but if the good Lord decides to take me. I will go willing. Although I have the selfish desire to witness my children become adults, I believe in God's Providence. I just want to go on living. I feel I have still so much to give.
Will I make it? This is the inevitable question. Do I have the strength, the determination, the drive, and the willpower to beat this disease? I have faith that I will. My husband definitely thinks so. He is always saying, "As long as I get another twenty years out of you, I will be happy." Though the uncertain nature of the disease makes me feel uneasy about that prospect. I feel that doubting feeling that I may not make to twenty years.
The unpredictable nature of the game provides the realization just how precious life is. Being told at twenty five that I have cancer has changed my outlook on the daily routine of life. I am more patient and enjoying every little moment I have with my family especially my children. As the song sings on, "Gotta life like you are dying..."
Any moment I may lose my life. A plane might fly into my home. There might be a gas leak in my house and it explodes. I get killed instantly in a car accident. There are so many things that could go wrong. Cancer in my case was the thing that went wrong. I may lose my life to this disease or I may carry on.
Will I make it? This is the inevitable question. Do I have the strength, the determination, the drive, and the willpower to beat this disease? I have faith that I will. My husband definitely thinks so. He is always saying, "As long as I get another twenty years out of you, I will be happy." Though the uncertain nature of the disease makes me feel uneasy about that prospect. I feel that doubting feeling that I may not make to twenty years.
The unpredictable nature of the game provides the realization just how precious life is. Being told at twenty five that I have cancer has changed my outlook on the daily routine of life. I am more patient and enjoying every little moment I have with my family especially my children. As the song sings on, "Gotta life like you are dying..."
Any moment I may lose my life. A plane might fly into my home. There might be a gas leak in my house and it explodes. I get killed instantly in a car accident. There are so many things that could go wrong. Cancer in my case was the thing that went wrong. I may lose my life to this disease or I may carry on.
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