Friday, December 27, 2013
21 Months and Counting!!!
I have henceforth completed my week of doctor appointments. I met my dermotologist on Monday, my surgical oncologist on Wednesday, and my treatment oncologist on Friday. The dermotologist took out two spots, which came back negative. The surgical oncologist looked at me and said everything is good see you in 6 months. The treatment oncologist said my scans came back okay, so I am good for 3 months. All of this before the week of Christmas. It was a good Christmas present. I feel blessed!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Peace be with You!
My quarterly scans are coming up!!! The doom sound is revibrated throughout my head saying, "DONN, DONN, DONN." Frankly, I am scared of the results. The anxiety does not seem to desipate even though I have been cancer free for over 18 monthes!
I follow some melanoma blogs and occasionally, go on a melanoma forum. I read about other individuals' truimphs and failures. I feel that those that I follow in the blog world as long as they are okay, I will be okay. When one of those have a reoccurence, I become scare that they same will be my fate. It's really an unhealthy habit. I need to stop especially looking at those forums because it is all of those who are newly diagnosed and really expressing panic.
I need to feel peace and assurance and the only way that is going to be accomplished is through faith. I don't mean the faith that everything will be okay but pure blind faith. I am not going to know that circumstances of the future. I am not going to know my time on this earth. I am not going to what will or will not happen. My days are numbered. I need to trust in the Lord with my heart, with my soul, with my mind, with everything that I am or will be. I need to look upon Him and feel His peace.
Think, when the apostles were in there shut up room after Jesus' death, they were shaking in their boots. Scared of the possible consequences of being associated with Jesus, they locked themselves into hiding like most of us when we are fightened. The passage in John 20:19-22 shows this:
So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit."
Believe me, when I will not hesitate in describing how I just want to lock away my fears and anxiety. I just want to hide under the covers of my bed and wallow in my self-pity. The apostles did it until Jesus stepped in saying, "Have some peace. I freely give it out as long as you have faith." I need to have some peace. Peace of mind. Peace of Spirit. Peace of Faith. What will come, comes. I will not be able to stop it. I can only have peace.
Peace be with you this holiday season!
I follow some melanoma blogs and occasionally, go on a melanoma forum. I read about other individuals' truimphs and failures. I feel that those that I follow in the blog world as long as they are okay, I will be okay. When one of those have a reoccurence, I become scare that they same will be my fate. It's really an unhealthy habit. I need to stop especially looking at those forums because it is all of those who are newly diagnosed and really expressing panic.
I need to feel peace and assurance and the only way that is going to be accomplished is through faith. I don't mean the faith that everything will be okay but pure blind faith. I am not going to know that circumstances of the future. I am not going to know my time on this earth. I am not going to what will or will not happen. My days are numbered. I need to trust in the Lord with my heart, with my soul, with my mind, with everything that I am or will be. I need to look upon Him and feel His peace.
Think, when the apostles were in there shut up room after Jesus' death, they were shaking in their boots. Scared of the possible consequences of being associated with Jesus, they locked themselves into hiding like most of us when we are fightened. The passage in John 20:19-22 shows this:
So when it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and when the doors were shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 And when He had said this, He showed them both His hands and His side. The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” 22 And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit."
Believe me, when I will not hesitate in describing how I just want to lock away my fears and anxiety. I just want to hide under the covers of my bed and wallow in my self-pity. The apostles did it until Jesus stepped in saying, "Have some peace. I freely give it out as long as you have faith." I need to have some peace. Peace of mind. Peace of Spirit. Peace of Faith. What will come, comes. I will not be able to stop it. I can only have peace.
Peace be with you this holiday season!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)